I’m not letting fear win!!!

Friday morning, I’m sitting at my computer at home, doing some kind of work (I forgot now).  Rico decided to work from home so he’s sitting at his computer as well.  I happened to open my browser to probably log into my email & the first news on my yahoo page is about a school shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary in Conneticut.  An elementary school?!  I was a little confused.  Usually it’s a student that is the shooter, so I can imagine a middle school kid & older, but not an elementary student.  At that moment, the thought of an adult evil enough to go into an elementary school & shoot such small & innocent children did not want to cross my mind.  So then I thought, maybe the victims were adults, but as I continue to read the heading, it read, “24 confirmed dead, mostly children.”.  My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach.  I felt so sick!!! My heart must have broke into a million pieces.  I couldn’t comprehend.  And even now, 3 days later, I still cannot comprehend.  I was fighting the urge to go & pick up my kids right then & there.  I had about an hour and a half still until school got out.  And I have to tell you, that was THE longest hour & a half of my life!  Every time I would look at the clock it didn’t even seem like it changed! I tried to distract myself so that time would move faster, but nothing seemed to work.  I kept imagining what those children, teachers & staff must have went through & I couldn’t breathe!  Right before Christmas?!?!  Really?!?!  I tried so hard not to question “Why?”  I tried so hard not to be angry…but there is such a thing as righteous anger.  So I allowed myself to be angry, but only for a moment because I felt it turn into rage.  And there is no way rage is righteous.  I wanted someone or something to blame, but who? What?  As I read FB, everyone is blaming just about everything, especially gun control.  I hate politics, so I don’t even know what my feelings are on gun control.  Personally, I think sometimes we are too quick to give our children/adults “fix-it” drugs.  Strong ones at that.  Those are the scary ones because if you don’t take it as prescribed, it will throw you completely off!  A lot of the times, the people that do these crazy acts are people with mental issues who were on some strong anti-depressants that suddenly stopped taking it.  Now I guess the question is, whatever problem they were having that got them prescribed these drugs…could it have been handled another way without the drugs in the first place?  Would they have committed these acts regardless?  Thinking about these things hurt my brain! Bottom line (in my opinion) is we need to bring God back into this country.  Don’t they see that the more we push Him out, the more craziness happens?  But then those people that pushed Him out are the same people that blame Him when these events happen! It is so frustrating sometimes.

Now it’s Monday…back to school.  I don’t think my kids know anything about what happened Friday because they never mentioned it.  And honestly, I’d like to keep it that way.  As I woke up this morning, that fear was slowly trying to creep in inside me.  It took almost every fiber in my body to fight it.  But He who is inside me is WAY stronger than the enemy.  And the only way the enemy would win, is if I let him.  And I let him by allowing the fear to take over my heart.  But there is no way I would want to allow that.  That is not the kind of life I want to live…that is not the life God wants us to live.  We are to trust in Him!  And I do!  The hearts, souls, lives of my little ones are in His hands.  And as long as they are in His hands, no one & nothing can snatch them away.


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