Step out in faith!
For a while now I have been feeling this tug at my heart to do more. To serve God more. Not that God is trying to tell me that I’m not doing enough or anything, but it has always been my desire to serve the needy. I’ve asked The Lord to open doors for me & I believe I’ve walked through some. But I know that there has been “bigger” doors that I just stare at & shake my head at because of fear.
Fear has always been my nemesis. It defeats me a majority of the time. Ok, so a lot of those times I actually let it win. I’m not proud of it & of course I regret it in the end because then the door is closed. But God is so faithful, He opens another door & gives me another chance. Of course there’s still a high percentage that I still don’t walk through it, but there were moments where I obeyed this time around & was immensely blessed. So knowing all that, why do I STILL hesitate to walk through those doors?!
I need to find a way to get over myself & do what makes me uncomfortable. I need to stop living comfortably in my Christianity. I need to start making a difference. But I’m so conflicted. A part of me says “Why are you so focused on out there when you should first start in your home?” Maybe I need to start out there to better serve in my home. I go through this kind of analyzing in my head almost every minute of the day. It’s a constant struggle for me. And I realize that it’s the enemy working out his plot. But even knowing that, I still allow him to paralyze me with fear. It makes me so angry & frustrated!
Well it’s a new year & I am determined to stay in His Word & continue to gain more strength & more confidence to finally break through that wall called fear so that I can finally accomplish the tasks set before me…the great commission!
[Side note]: Friday night I had this dream that Rico & I were on this plane & we were suppose to jump out. I don’t think it was a planned skydiving. It looked like a regular passenger plane. Anyway I was suppose to jump first & I looked down & I believe it was dark, but I couldn’t do it. And the weird thing is, I remember feeling a peace about it, but I still refused to jump. And Rico wouldn’t jump unless I jumped first. Of course his interpretation of that is that I need to step out first or else I will hold people back. What the? Thanks, babe! Lol. MY interpretation is that he shouldn’t be using me as an excuse to step out in faith himself. Haha!
So anyway, all Saturday morning I kept wondering about my dream & playing it over in my head. Then Sunday comes & Pastor Bob talks about how God opens doors that no one can shut. Then he mentions “stepping out in faith”. I’ll have to listen to the message again because something he said gave me chills. So then that stuck with me all Sunday on top of the whole skydiving dream. Now, I open my Chuck Smith devotional & in the message it says “But if we step out in faith, God will go before us & make a path through the sea.” The title is Trapped & I was thinking it didn’t apply to me, but now that I think of it, maybe I am feeling trapped. Trapped in my complacency. Now, that would make a whole lot of sense. Oh boy! Now I’m just one big ball of convicted, excited & nervous!