Archive | December 2014

Christmas Eve 2014

It is Christmas Eve.  The kids are playing video games, Rico is at work & I’m sitting here (still in pain from a lame back injury) just thinking.  Thinking about what?  Everything, really.  It is a shame that life has gotten so busy & complicated that I have a hard time remembering what I did yesterday, let alone the beginning of the year.  Life has gotten so busy that I can’t even squeeze time to write about my day, which is mostly boring & only contains probably 18 “waking” hours.  I stumbled upon some pictures of the kids from probably 2-3 years ago.  How did they get so big?!  I only seem to notice it when I see old pictures or I buy them new pants.

No matter how many times I tell myself not to take this moment for granted, I get sucked into this world of: My-house-needs-to-be-clean-all-the-time, I-need-to-get-organized.  I’m so focused on being a ‘Martha’ that I often forget to be more like ‘Mary’.  I know that during the times I do choose to be ‘Mary’ I enjoy those moments so much.  Hearing the kids’ laughter & watching them be silly.  Having them snuggle up to me or forcing me to play League of Legends & hearing them say “We can’t win without you!”  It melts my heart, but yet, sometimes I still allow my weariness from the day overcome me & I choose to disappoint them.

I only have them for such a brief moment & then the day will come when I’ll be begging for THEIR time & they’ll be the ones too tired or too busy to come spend time with me.  I will then, feel the feelings, the emotions, the heart-break that they are feeling now.  I need to start the tradition of family being more important than a clean house, than schedules, so that when they start their own families, they will be able to cherish the moments that I’ve missed.

Well at least we have a few traditions for Christmas:

  • The putting up of the outside lights & decorations (mainly the boys do that)
  • Decorating the inside of the house including most ornaments & the little village (mainly the girls do that)
  • Putting up our personal ornaments together
  • Having hot cocoa
  • Opening up stocking stuffers
  • And their favorite…Santa’s scavenger hunt!

Next year they’ll be turning 10 & 12.  So close to the dreaded teenage years.  I’ve heard & seen so many horror stories.  I can only hope & pray that it won’t be as bad as I imagine.  It is a journey that not all parents get to take.  I should approach it with gladness.  God has always been there for me through difficult times, I know that this won’t be different.  I think the part that I am most scared of is when the kids have to go through THEIR difficult times & not being able to fix it for them.  That is when my trust in God will truly be tested.

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