It is Christmas Eve. The kids are playing video games, Rico is at work & I’m sitting here (still in pain from a lame back injury) just thinking. Thinking about what? Everything, really. It is a shame that life has gotten so busy & complicated that I have a hard time remembering what I did yesterday, let alone the beginning of the year. Life has gotten so busy that I can’t even squeeze time to write about my day, which is mostly boring & only contains probably 18 “waking” hours. I stumbled upon some pictures of the kids from probably 2-3 years ago. How did they get so big?! I only seem to notice it when I see old pictures or I buy them new pants.
No matter how many times I tell myself not to take this moment for granted, I get sucked into this world of: My-house-needs-to-be-clean-all-the-time, I-need-to-get-organized. I’m so focused on being a ‘Martha’ that I often forget to be more like ‘Mary’. I know that during the times I do choose to be ‘Mary’ I enjoy those moments so much. Hearing the kids’ laughter & watching them be silly. Having them snuggle up to me or forcing me to play League of Legends & hearing them say “We can’t win without you!” It melts my heart, but yet, sometimes I still allow my weariness from the day overcome me & I choose to disappoint them.
I only have them for such a brief moment & then the day will come when I’ll be begging for THEIR time & they’ll be the ones too tired or too busy to come spend time with me. I will then, feel the feelings, the emotions, the heart-break that they are feeling now. I need to start the tradition of family being more important than a clean house, than schedules, so that when they start their own families, they will be able to cherish the moments that I’ve missed.
Well at least we have a few traditions for Christmas:
- The putting up of the outside lights & decorations (mainly the boys do that)
- Decorating the inside of the house including most ornaments & the little village (mainly the girls do that)
- Putting up our personal ornaments together
- Having hot cocoa
- Opening up stocking stuffers
- And their favorite…Santa’s scavenger hunt!
Next year they’ll be turning 10 & 12. So close to the dreaded teenage years. I’ve heard & seen so many horror stories. I can only hope & pray that it won’t be as bad as I imagine. It is a journey that not all parents get to take. I should approach it with gladness. God has always been there for me through difficult times, I know that this won’t be different. I think the part that I am most scared of is when the kids have to go through THEIR difficult times & not being able to fix it for them. That is when my trust in God will truly be tested.